No Plans for Insurrection Found in Biden’s Garage

WILMINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Lawyers scouring President Biden’s garage in Wilmington, Delaware, have been unable to find any plans to overthrow the United States government through a violent insurrection, the lawyers have reported. In addition, the lawyers said, a thorough search had not turned up any instructions to subvert election results by spreading baseless claims about voter fraud or by promoting slates of fake electors. “If, in searching President Biden’s garage, we had uncovered evidence of plans to end democracy as we know it—or, for that matter, proof of systematic tax...