Joey Chestnut, the best there ever was

Look, I understand that the hot dog eating contest is a joke. The Nathan’s Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest represents the epitome of American hucksterist gluttony, a nation of plenty making its decadent abundance repulsively real with a row of human beings smashing as much processed beef refuse into their mouths as quickly as our species’ biological limitations will allow them to. I can certainly attest that it never fails to disgust whatever friend or family member I harangue into watching it with me every July 4. But this does not stop me and, frankly, millions of other Americans from making it my central Independence Day tradition.