The 'Cornell 7' Have Not Been Proven Guilty

In a world where matters of the heart and hormones are among the most turbulent fronts in the culture wars, new traditions must be established to cope with the ongoing conflict. Hence, our annual (except in some cases, it's more like seasonal) ritual, wherein a murky unpleasant sexual encounter between two or more consenting-or-were-they adults becomes the pressure release valve for all our pent-up frustrations about the increasingly fraught landscape of affairs between the sexes.