Biden Touts Police Funding, Border Security in Rebuke to Democrats

President Joe Biden, 79, stayed up well past his bedtime on Tuesday to deliver the first State of the Union address of his faltering presidency.

Leading off his speech with the topic on everyone's minds, Biden praised the "pure courage" of Ukrainian citizens in resisting the Russian invasion. Members of Congress from both parties applauded the president's words, careful to make sure that their oversized blue-and-yellow tchotchkes were still visible to the cameras.

Freshly botoxed, forehead smooth and gleaming under the lights, our commander in chief got almost all of his words...