Episcopalians Permanently Switch To Cardboard Parishioners

To fill out empty churches, the Episcopal Church has announced a permanent switch to cardboard cutout parishioners.

The move will help Episcopalian congregations appear full and vibrant, even though most of their members left decades ago.

"Finally, our churches will be full again," said one priest in California as he set up a row of young, happy churchgoers right up in the front. "I haven't seen this place this packed since '05."

"1905, that is."

Best of all, Episcopalian priests are excited that they'll be able to eisegete and...